lily-irl: What happened with Brexit?

I'm not sure who will be Britain's next Prime Minister or what governing coalition they will lead, but it looks all but certain that the Phoenix Coalition between Labour and the Liberal Democrats is dead and buried, to which I firmly say "good riddance".

I consider Prime Minister Youmaton a friend and someone who I will always seek to assist wherever I can. I feel much the same way towards Deputy Prime Minister a1fie335: he is someone with more to offer the United Kingdom than bending over for the LPUK, something I hope he has the courage to resist. But with that said, I would like to address something that the Phoenix Coalition attempted: Brexit.

I first saw the Liberal Democrats' nominees to the cabinet shortly after they had submitted their secretaries to the Commons Speakership, which was quite fortunate for one minister in particular, because if I had the option I would have vetoed them immediately. The first words out of my mouth after looking at the list was "are we sure about comped as Minister of State for Exiting the European Union?"

Similarly, after I had tallied the ballots in Labour's leadership election following my resignation, I called Youmaton to congratulate them. Immediately afterwards I told them in no uncertain terms: "you need to negotiate Brexit yourself."

From the very beginning, my focus on Brexit has been, rightly or wrongly, reaching a deal that could pass the House of Commons. For passing the deal I offer my full congratulations to Youmaton; they were far more ambitious than I ever was in reaching a Brexit agreement. Frankly I was prepared to accept the prior government's deal with some minor adjustments; I didn't think any other arrangement would enjoy the support of the Commons. Clearly this was a mistaken impression but it was the one I was operating under nonetheless.

I discussed this with Padanub, the Leader of the Opposition. He told me - nicely, but in no uncertain terms - that the only Brexit arrangements that the Conservative Party would accept was one that was substantially similar to the one that CheckMyBrain11's government had negotiated. The Conservatives passed a motion to that effect, backed overwhelmingly by the Libertarians.

This set me at odds with comped, who wanted to negotiate membership in the European Free Trade Agreement, among other European agencies. I believed this would be unacceptable; not only to the Commons but to the EU as well. Negotiators told us that we could not have it both ways. Exiting the EU meant exiting its constituent agencies too, or at least the vast majority of them. Comped insisted on staying in the common aviation area; I relented and Padanub agreed. We had a deal that all of us were okay with, all that remained would be to put it to the EU and the House of Commons.

Or so I thought. It was clear to me comped wasn't happy with the deal, but he said he was okay with it. I thought I had won his begrudging acceptance. I was wrong.

Some time later I received a call from Padanub, bringing me some unfortunate news. Comped had gone to him directly to attempt to overturn his position on the Brexit deal; Nub quite rightly refused to engage. He could have collapsed the government on the spot: to have the Brexit Minister attempt to undercut the Prime Minister and the Deputy Prime Minister on the arrangements of the UK exiting the EU was probably the scandal of the century. I don't know why Nub didn't go to the press, but it was certainly a very kind decision not to do so. I was absolutely irate. After confirming that the leadership of the Liberal Democrats were unaware of this move, I asked comped to explain what the hell he thought he was doing. He remained unrepentant. I asked Ciaran to allow me to sack comped.

He took a while to think about it but eventually agreed. By that point I had changed my mind. I did not sack comped, a decision which is without a doubt the greatest mistake of my premiership. I was worried about the fallout. Perhaps this makes me a coward. Perhaps I put my government above my country. I did what I thought was right; time will tell if I was wrong to do so. Regardless, I can't change the past. Our story continues.

At this point we had reached an impasse. Comped wouldn't negotiate the deal with the EU and I didn't think any other deal had a hope of passing the House of Commons. "A member of the Liberal Democrat federal board" grew unhappy with my premiership and I thought the government's days were numbered. Perhaps that was comped, perhaps it wasn't. I don't think I'll ever know but I thought it was urgent to shift the government's focus to domestic priorities. Mercifully soon thereafter I tendered my resignation to the Labour Party and began the leadership election.

I'm happy with the Brexit deal that passed. I don't plan on returning to any frontbench any time soon, so I can say that freely. I don't think the SDLP's concerns are well-founded. The technology to enable a seamless border between Northern Ireland and the Republic of Ireland exists. But I also think that the transition period shouldn't have ended so soon. I asked Youmaton as the Secretary of State for Northern Ireland to delay ending the transition period while I liased with the Executive. Enter comped, who ended the transition period anyway.

The last time I sat in the cabinet room in No 10, I stormed out, imploring comped to get some wrinkles on his brain. Perhaps not the most dignified exit I've ever made from the heart of executive governance in the United Kingdom, and certainly not the way I thought I'd leave No 10 for the last time, but such is the situation the UK finds itself in.

Why say this now? I don't think any of this is common knowledge is the honest answer. The next government will have a hell of a time working with a collapsed Stormont executive, an EU that won't be willing to negotiate further, and a fractured Parliament. I'm very relieved to not have that be my problem.

To the next Prime Minister: good luck, you'll need it.

CORRECTION 18/02 00.05: This article has been updated to reflect the work that other members of the CheckMyBrain11 government put into the Brexit deal.

lily-irl is a former Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.